How Long Before I am a Californian, "On Average"

As stupid as it is, I'm obsessed with this gadget that shows where in the country you live, "on average", based on the places you've lived across the country. So for an adoptive Californian like me who grew up on the East Coast (but escaped before it was too late), right now I'm somewhere in Missouri, moving asymptotically west to my present location.

By that measure, when my average location crosses inside the boundaries of the Golden State, I will be a mere 362 years old.

But that's still better than my wife, who will be 1,102 years old before she is a Californian (on average). And worse, until then she'll be in the FRICKIN OCEAN. By age 984 she'll have entered U.S. territorial waters. At the time I'm likely to die, I'll have made it at least to Colorado.


Lonely Girl Walking on California Road,
entry number ? in the "pretentiously named" series